Career Advice Columnist, Heal Thyself

I woke up early this morning and thought about this being the last day of 2007. I thought about what I would write on my blog, and knew that I didn't want to write the same old stuff about how you need to make certain career resolutions, blah, blah, blah.

Instead, I spent some time lying in the dark and thinking about my own career and where I wanted it to go in the new year. (This is a sort of "physician, heal thyself.")I realized that before I made any decisions, I needed to spend some time thinking about what I've learned in the past year. I came to the conclusion that I've learned a lot. I've made some good moves...and I made some bad moves.

So, I'm not going to offer you any advice today. I'm just going to share with you lessons I've learned (and re-learned in some cases):

1. Life isn't fair. I lost work this year, and so did lots of other people. Not because we did a bad job, but because we were treated as numbers on a piece of paper. It reinforces my belief that everyone deserves to be treated with basic respect, no matter how busy or stressed I am.
2. Always take the high road. I've seen some pretty awful things written on the Internet this year, from both bloggers and from those who comment. Being foul, hateful and venomous doesn't accomplish anything. I never write anything like that, ever, not only because my mother raised me better, but because I think there are no anonymous postings on the Internet. If I'm not willing to put my name and address on a posting, then I shouldn't be writing it.
3. You lie down with dogs, you're going to wake up with fleas. LinkedIn, Facebook and MySpace are very popular, but that old adage about being known for the company you keep is still true. I need to be aware of not only who I'm associating with, but with whom that person is associating. My reputation is not something I want to fritter away in a moment of "who has the most links" bingo.
4. Be careful what you wish for. A lot of my wishes came true in my career this year, but I wasn't prepared for the downside. This year I'm going to be much more realistic and evaluate my options before rushing headlong into a "dream come true" situation.
5. Playing by my rules. I'm an information junkie, but I think this year I needed an intervention. I got too caught up in what other people were doing, and didn't spend enough time focusing on what was right for me at this point in my life. In 2008, I'm going to spend more time living my life the way I want, instead of focusing on how other people are living theirs.




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Being Successful -- But Miserable

There you sit, at the pinnacle of your profession. Successful, well-respected, making good money. It took lots of hard work, a little bit of luck and many personal sacrifices. Still, it was worth it.

Wasn’t it?

Unfortunately, many people in this exact position are saying “no.” They’re not doing something they like, they’re not happy, they’re not able to say they like what they’ve done with their life.

But those who are miserable and successful often feel the most trapped by their jobs. The money is depended on by families and they are bound with cement glue to the picture-perfect life they have created. They suffer silently, often only showing the signs of their inner turmoil by being less patient with their children, more authoritarian and autocratic at work and suffering from various stress-induced health problems.

People going through this often think about quitting their jobs, chucking it all because they just can't stand being so unhappy. Still, that may not be the best solution since finding happiness may mean simply making some adjustments to a current position. Either way, it’s important that if you are successful, but unhappy, you sit down with a piece of paper and take a hard look at your job.

Begin by:

1. Listing everything that bugs you about your job. From the fax machine that never works to the overtime to the abrasive boss. Don’t leave anything out, no matter how small or trivial. Now consider what you can change or eliminate from that list, and determine what is part of your job and what is part of the work environment.
Now, ask yourself this question: Is this the life you want? Is it what you dreamed of as a child?

2. Looking at time and money. When you determine that a change must be made, this is the time to bring in the family. Explain that you will be happier doing something else, but you will need their support because financial sacrifices may be needed.
Then, set up a timeline of what you are going to do, and when. If you have no real idea of what you want to do, limit yourself to exploring three new fields at a time. If you try to do more than that, you may become paralyzed by such a huge task.

3. Doing your research. Get on the Internet, network with other people, get interviews at companies that interest you. Find out what is needed for you to work in your chosen field by talking to everyone you can think of -- and then asking them for more people to talk to. If you're 50 years old, chances are you can't become a ballerina as you once dreamed, but you can look at jobs that involve the arts, graceful movements and creativity.

4. Going for it. When you’re spending as much time on making your dream a reality as on your regular job, it’s time to take the leap of faith and put all your time into the job you love.




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Always Needing to Be Right

When you went to school, did anyone ever tell you to be sure and choose the “wrong” answer on a test?

At work, does your boss regularly tell you to make the “wrong” decisions?

Probably not. From the time we are children, we are counseled to make the “right” choices, and how to look “right” and how to do the “right” thing. That often continues in the workplace, that need to be ”right.”

And, the more “right” we are, the more likely we are to become rigid in our way of thinking. But here’s something to think about: By denying there is anything left to learn, we undermine ourselves and our companies. Failing to acknowledge that other people may have the right answer can really affect an individual’s and organization’s success. The most successful people, after all, often challenge others to come up with a better idea and then learn from that input.

Of course, letting go of being “right” all the time takes courage. It means that you first have to admit that you’ve gone too far and you need to improve. But once you’ve done that, you should:

• Define what winning looks like to you. Think about what you really want, how you feel about certain issues in your life and at work, and how your life experiences have impacted how you regard those things.
• Look at how often your need to be right really interferes with what you want. If you shut people down by interrupting them with your “right” solution, or they turn away because you have proven them “wrong,” note this interaction in a journal. Keep track of what happened, your reaction, and what the price was, such as a less creative answer or hurting a relationship with a co-worker.
• Ask questions. Instead of jumping in with the answer all the time, become more curious. Ask others what they think, and give them a chance to respond. Only then should you offer your opinion.
• See the world in shades of gray. Consider how often your thinking is automatically “right versus wrong.” Try to look at all sides of the issue before making a decision.