Do You Impress Strangers?

I want you to think back to the last person you met for the first time and name as many details about the person as you can. Now, look at your list and consider the first three items.

Do they look something like this?

1. Limp handshake.
2. Rarely made eye contact.
3. Awkward conversationalist.

Or, more like this:
1. Great smile.
2. Confident manner.
3. Asked great questions.

The difference between these two assessments can make or break a career. In today's fast-paced business environment, we often only get one chance to make a good impression on someone. At the same time, it's often very difficult to establish a positive connection in a short amount of time, especially if we're not "good" at small talk.

In a perfect world, of course, we wouldn't be judged on initial contact, but the truth is most people have summed you up in less than a few minutes. So, let's look at some ways to not only make that good first impression, but to engage the other person enough to help your career.

1. Look in the mirror. Really. Look in the mirror several times a day and make sure your hair is combed, there are no stains on your clothes (keep a stain remover at work or in a briefcase), and use mouthwash or breath mints, especially after eating or drinking coffee. It's often the small details that trip you up -- you can be wearing a $2,000 suit and if your breath reeks of garlic and your hair is standing on end, you've just wasted $2,000.

2. Shake hands firmly. I've had people shake my hand so hard they cracked my knuckles. I don't appreciate that any more than I do the half-hand, limp, lackadaisical shake. If you're not sure how to shake hands properly, find a car salesperson. Those people have perfected the art of the handshake and can teach you in no time flat.

3. Ask a question. Nothing is more awkward that someone asking: "How are you?" and you respond: "Fine." And then nothing. Ask a question that focuses on the needs and interests of the other person. Depending on the situation, you can ask about industry challenges in this economy, how they do their job, what professional organizations they find the most helpful or even if they use any social networking to help them get more business.

4. Edit the self promotion. People are worried about their jobs right now, and that's leading to some elevator pitches that are delivered with a sledgehammer. While you should promote yourself when you get the chance, an initial meeting can become very uncomfortable if you launch into your talents and abilities right away. A better way is to talk about other people who have helped you do your job, or to be successful with a project.

5. Don't blow your exit. Once you've established rapport with the other person, don't forget that your last impression is even more important. End your conversation by saying how much you've enjoyed the meeting, perhaps even making a final note of what you've learned: "I really appreciate the chance to hear your thoughts on how much going back to school helped you. It's something I'll be thinking about," you say, again offering your car salesperson handshake. By ensuring the person that you not only heard what was said, but really listened, you've made a strong first impression.

What are some other ways to make a good first impression and establish rapport?


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Body Language Speaks Volumes

It’s one of those awkward situations we’ve all found ourselves in: we’re standing around at a company function, and all of a sudden the top brass shows up and heads our way. Suddenly we don’t know what to do with our arms. Our hands are some strange appendage that hang uselessly, or flutter nervously. How did our necks get to be too short for our bodies? When did we become unable to smile without an eye twitching?

All this is, of course, a natural reaction under stress. We want to make a good impression, but our bodies seem determined to make total twits of us in front of some pretty important people. But if we just remember some simple rules about body language, these situations can be brought under control.

There are a number of ways we can make a good impressions without saying a word, whether it’s in a social situation, or a formal business meeting. The most common mistake people make is that they don’t adjust to the situation, to the person they are speaking to. For example, when making small talk, body language is very important. But when it’s a serious matter, then it’s not as critical because the message becomes more important.

Still, the most effective users of body language use gestures and speech patterns similar to the other person in the conversation — especially critical when the other person ranks higher in an organization.

Some of the key ingredients to using body language effectively include:
· Facing the other person squarely. Show your interest by looking directly at the other person. Tilt your head to one side, arch your eyebrows and nod every once in a while to show you’re listening. Keep your face relaxed, and smile when appropriate.
· Assuming an open posture. Researchers have found that when negotiations are going well, participants unbuttoned their coats, uncrossed their legs, sat forward in chairs, and moved closer to the other side of the table. Such body language was often accompanied by comments expressing common needs and advantages.
So, the way you stand and walk can convey your openness to what the other person is saying. Standing tall and walking with shoulders back shows your confidence, and usually those who walk rapidly and swing their arms project confidence.
· Leaning forward. When you want to show interest, lean forward slightly in your chair, and lightly clasp your hands in your lap or place your hands near your knees. If you lean back, place your hands in a “steeple” position, then you’re showing your indifference.
· Maintaining eye contact. The last thing you want to do is have your eyes shifting all over the room when you’re talking with a boss. When we’re nervous, our eyes typically meet the other person’s less than 40 percent of the time. As a result, we begin to make people feel uneasy, or make them begin to distrust us.
· Touching. Some people are afraid to touch another person because of sexual harassment claims, but with a friend or close working buddy, touching on the shoulder can deepen a contact. It's a good idea to take the lead from the other person, especially if it’s a leader. If they touch you on the arm, it's probably OK to do the same to them.
Still, since a handshake is often the most acceptable form of contact in the business world, make sure yours is not limp, or clammy. Keep your handshake firm and brief, hold it about three to five seconds, then release. And no trying to crush the other person’s fingers in some kind of power play.
· Remembering to relax. This may be difficult to do when the CEO is headed your way and you suddenly can’t remember your own name, but take a couple of deep breaths, and concentrate on standing straight, with shoulders back. Spread your feet a bit and don’t lock your knees — keeling over at the boss’s feet like a downed tree won’t be good for your career. Keep your arms and hands still, and keep an open and welcoming look on your face.


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Making a Bad First Impression

There's no better feeling than coming out of a job interview and feeling like you nailed it. You and the interviewer clicked, everyone seemed very impressed with your resume and abilities, and there was plenty of positive body language.

On the other hand, there is no worse feeling than knowing that you messed up -- that somewhere in the interview you really bombed and possibly blew your chances of getting a job you really want. You head home,deeply depressed, ready to beat your head against the nearest wall for being such a numbskull.

But before you put that knot on your head, consider that you may be able to salvage the situation. So maybe you called someone by the wrong name or showed up late for the interview -- you still may be able to recover and put yourself in serious contention for the job.

Annie Stevens, managing partner with Boston-based ClearRock, says that the right follow-up plan and quick action can turn around a bad first impression.

Specifically, you should:

* Assess the damage. Take a hard look at how badly you may have hurt your chances, and whether it was a big deal -- or no one else really noticed.

* Act quickly. Don't give the bad impression time to sink in. Take immediate steps to correct it.

* Re-establish your qualifications. If you follow-up with a phone call or e-mail, use it as a chance to again outline your skills and experienced. "Keep this succint," Stevens says.

* Apologize. Don't go overboard, but if you made a glaring error, then you should offer a sincere "I'm sorry."

* Use humor carefully. You can make the situation worse by joking about it.

* Prepare for the next shot. Chances are, you'll be given another chance to interview with someone else, so take steps to make sure you don't repeat your missteps.