Workers Behaving Badly: Why Our Stress May be Bringing Out the Worst in Us

After 9/11, I was struck by the sense of caring we showed for one another. It was a horrible, stressful time, but it seemed to bring out the best in us. We began to look out for one another, even at work. We shared our mutual pain about what had happened, and even expressed our fear for the future. Office squabbles seemed ridiculous, and petty jealousies even more so.

Now it's seven years later, and we're facing another horrible, scary time. We see empty chairs at work, evidence of the people who have taken early retirement or other buyout packages. Almost every one of us know someone who has been laid off. Our own employers have stated they will not be filling empty positions for now.

And yet, office politics are on the rise. Gossiping, backbiting and negative campaigning dominate the airwaves, and we seem to mimic that behavior at work.

So, instead of pulling together on the job as we did after 9/11, we seem to be our own worst enemies right now. Of course, much of that is due to the enormous stress in both our private and professional lives. No one can predict what will happen next week, let alone in the coming year.

If makes workers feel powerless, and that's a lousy feeling. It makes us want to grab whatever we can and hold on, everyone else be damned. But here's the thing: We actually DO have a lot of control right now. We have control over how we treat one another.

It's not a easy thing to admit that we've been a jerk to people we work with, either through our silences or our short-tempers or our snide comments. But we've got to own up to our bad behavior, because until we do, we won't begin to fix what needs fixing.

So, today, I want you to think about the person in the cubicle next door or down the hall. I want you to think about how fear and anxiety has made you and others behave, and what you can do to start making things right.

Remember, the evidence supports the fact that when we are friendlier to one another at work, when we genuinely care about one another, we are not only happier but more productive. And right now, that's definitely a very good thing.

What are some ways to improve relationships with others at work?

10 Signs to Know You've Gone Off the Stress Meter at Work

Stress.

If you're not feeling it these days, I want some of whatever you're drinking. Because with the latest economic news making most of us feel like we're on some sadistic new ride at Disney World, stress is catching up with most of us in one form or another.

And nowhere is that more evident than at work. After all, we spend a major portion of our time there every day, and the demands to perform are multiplied right now. Most of us -- even the most sanguine among us -- are feeling a teeny bit tense right now.

If so, you may want to take some steps to deal with it. Of course, sometimes it's hard to recognize that you're going off the deep end, so here are 10 signs that you may be under a bit of stress on the job:

1. Bite marks. In your car's steering wheel.
2. The announcement of "cake in the break room" has you clotheslining three people who try to get in line ahead of you.
3. You pay the tool booth operator, the parking lot attendant and the Starbucks barista in pennies. Bloodsuckers.
4. Your yoga instructor asks you -- repeatedly -- to quit swearing aloud during Downward Facing Dog.
5. Your co-worker whistling "Oh! What a Beautiful Morning" has you pouring salt in his coffee when he's not looking.
6. You use your latest 401(k) statement to make a giant spitball that you fire at your CEO as he walks by on the street. You giggle uncontrollably as he curses pigeons overhead.
7. When asked by your employer to watch expenses during these tough times, you turn off your computer and phone. When the boss asks you about it a week later, you look innocent and reply: "Just trying to cut energy costs."
8. You chisel the gold star off your "employee of the month" plaque and try to sell it on e-Bay.
9. While traveling on business, you show up for the airport gate in your skivvies. With your i.d. Superglued to your forehead.
10. During your performance evaluation you juggle, do an impersonation of Cloris Leachman on Dancing With the Stars and recite the Gettysburg Address while drinking a glass of water. "Just want to point out my talents so I can get that .0333 percent raise!" you tell the boss.

So, do you think you're feeling the stress? What are some other hints you might be hanging by your fingernails?

Politics and Money Worries: A Volatile Mixture on the Job

There's no escaping the economic news lately, and most of us go to work every day just trying not to think about our dwindling 401(k) plans or pensions. But even if we're trying to block it out, most of us are carrying an extra level of stress as we try to do a job already demanding more of of us than even a year ago.

Add to that the upcoming presidential election, and we're creating a volatile situation where our workplace can become a boiling point for a lot of pent-up anxieties, says one workplace expert.

Christine Probett, a San Diego State University lecturer and former Goodrich executive, says workers are increasingly anxious, frightened and emotional about the future, and that nervousness with the economy means that clear communications from top brass are critical.

“When people get nervous – as they are now with the economy – it’s really important that companies keep their workers informed about what is going on,” says Christine Porbett. “If they don’t, the rumors will start to fly. People will begin making stuff up.”

I recently interviewed Probett for my Gannett News Service/USAToday.com column, and she says that she was once told by an employee that the way the employee separated fact from fiction was by asking three different people about a rumor. If it was confirmed by those three people, then the employee accepted it as fact – and that meant she could pass it along to other workers.

“In a company, there are enough rumors going around that you can get 100 people to confirm a rumor as fact,” Probett says. “Just because you heard it doesn’t make it fact, but that’s how it happens.”

She says any during tough economic times, every closed-door meeting can spawn speculation among employees.

“If management has a meeting, they better come out of that meeting and communicate about what was discussed with the people who work there,” Probett says. “Even if all they can say is that they can’t talk about it. It’s better than out-and-out-lying about what was said."

Further, Probett says the upcoming elections also have added another layer of drama to a workplace that is already trying to deal with workers stressed by rising consumer prices, unemployment and unsettling news from Wall Street.

She says that employees must be very careful about what they say regarding elections at work, because they might be setting the stage for what is known as a "hostile work environment".

Specifically, under federal law, a “hostile work environment” means that “unwelcome comments or conduct based on sex, race or other legally protected characteristics unreasonably interferes with an employee’s work performance or creates an intimidating, hostile or offensive work environment.”

“A lot of people are talking about this election, and it brings up a lot of issues,” Probett says. “We’re either going to have an African-American man as president, or a woman as vice president. There’s a lot of energy and emotion tied up in that. Diversity is one of those issues that creates a lot of tension and disagreement in the workplace, because sometimes it’s hard for one person to understand where someone else is coming from.”

That's why it's important that employees clearly understand what they can and cannot say at work regarding the election. If they're not clear, and the company has no set policy, it might be best to keep a low profile regarding political views. According to an American Management Association survey, 35 percent of business people said they are uncomfortable discussing their political views with colleagues.

“I would discourage people from wearing buttons supporting a specific candidate or party, and not allow signage or fundraising while at work,” Probett says.

If you're having problems with someone at work regarding politics, Probett says you should resolve it as you do any conflict.

“Don’t let the issue get bigger. Talk to the person, and tell them what you believe the problem to be. Don’t name call, and make sure you listen when they talk. Once you understand where the other person is coming from, try to come to a resolution. Then, move on. Don’t hold a grudge,” she says.

Are you feeling more stress on the job? How are you handling it?

The Customer is Not Always Right

“Smile.”

“The customer is always right.”

“Good service is what keeps the customer.”

If you’re a manager, you probably have used these words with your employees. If a customer is snotty to an employee, too bad. If a customer tries to return merchandise that violates the return policy, the employee must remember “that the customer is always right,” even if it causes him or her to lose a commission.

And if a customer becomes hostile and throws coffee because it’s not hot enough, the employee is to smile and fix a new cup because “good service is what keeps the customer.”

But what toll are your words having on your employees? When you tell them to "smile" through experiences that shake them emotionally, then it affects more than their souls -- they suffer physically, as well.

What can managers do to help keep customers while not placing more stress on workers? Try:
• Providing a supportive environment. An employee who has been put through the wringer by a customer should be supported by a manager by being allowed to step away from the job for a while. A chance to take a short walk, or even take the afternoon off, can show the employee that the manager is sympathetic to the situation.
• Recognition. A manager needs to make a habit of recognizing the contribution that workers make to an organization, and the emotional stresses faced every day. Rewards and incentives show that the employee has worth.
• Show where to draw the line. It’s important that a manager stand behind an employee when dealing with an especially difficult customer. No employee should have to smile when they have food thrown at them by an irate customer. If you tell them they have to take it, then you’re showing you don’t value them.
• Providing coping skills. Many employees are not educated about how to handle abusive customers. They need information on how to stay calm when faced with an angry customer -- what words and body language to use and how to recover their composure after a tough time.



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The Power of Quiet

Recently, I had the opportunity to be in a soundproof room. We're talking padded, carpeted walls with absolutely no sound -- nothing -- penetrating the walls. I was in there by myself, and the minute I was left alone I let out a sigh. It was like all the air left my body, and my posture immediately relaxed into the chair.

I was in that room by myself for about 10 minutes, and it was absolutely remarkable. Seriously, I cannot recall any time in my life that there was absolute quiet. There was nothing for me to do but just sit there and listen to...nothing.

It felt like a gift. Something given to me unexpectedly in the face of an often chaotic life where I try and meet the demands of my professional and personal life on a minute-by-minute basis.

I've thought many times about that soundless room in the last few weeks, as my stress level often peaks and I search for ways to relieve it -- reading, listening to soft music, exercising, visiting with family. But I've got to say, I think very longingly of my quiet room. It's as if that room said to me: "It's OK. Turn everything off. Quiet yourself and just be."

This week I noticed a couple of posts by blogger Tiffany Monhollon and I was struck by the anxiety and confusion she felt as she tried to figure out the issues facing her and GenY, and why it all seemed so hard. I immediately remembered how I felt starting out in the world, and the same stress of trying to keep my personal and professional life on track, while trying to make sense of the world. I told her that generations before her had faced the same dilemma called life, and sometimes we all need to just remember what we have in this life...not what we don't have.

But one thing I didn't tell her was that I do believe the constant barrage of information and just noise hitting the younger generation is something older workers didn't face in their early careers. We were given a chance to just think, to walk out of our workplace and not resume the job until we re-entered the next day. We weren't expected to be on call to a computer and pager and cell phone.

In the latest issue of Esquire magazine, an acoustic ecologist says that in 1984 there were some 21 spots in Washington state where there were at least 15 minutes during which no man-made sounds could be heard. Today, there are only three.

The writer of the story used this information in a story about how he had always been quite the talker, but spent some time recently simply not speaking. He found the less he talked, the easier it was to shut things out. "Used right," he said, "silence communicates trust. It's like carrying a holstered gun....It's not dangerous; it's in the holster. But people notice. It can't kill anyone, but they see what you are carrying. Silence makes you the sheriff."

So, here's a new challenge for all of us. Shut it off. All of it. Try to eliminate every hum and rattle of your world for at least 15 minutes every week. Try to talk less and just be.

Then, let me know if you find what you've been looking for...




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