Workplace Affairs Still Cause Problems

I have written about workplace romance before, but it appears SOME people are not paying attention.

Take the case of the American Red Cross recently dumping President and CEO Mark W. Everson after it was learned he'd had an affair with a female subordinate.

This kind of hanky-panky has been going on in the workplace since, well, forever, but there is a lot less tolerance of on-the-job romance in some cases. Boeing CEO Harry Stonecipher learned that lesson the hard way when he had to resign because he had a love affair with another female executive. And now Everson can join that list of people who think the rules apply to someone else.

Companies -- and even nonprofits like the Red Cross -- cannot afford to have their images tarnished by tawdry affairs that cast their public reputations into the mud. That means that those with lesser titles, including everyone from a senior vice president to the newest employee, need to be even more vigilant about making sure workplace dating complies with any guidelines set up by the organization. (And keep in mind that the rules may be even more strict regarding dating someone else if you are already married, and still apply even if you fool around while on a business trip.)

While those workplace dating rules may be written in an employee manual, they may not be. But before you even think about becoming romantically involved with someone at work, make sure you clearly understand the rules and follow them. Ask your boss or your personnel department to clarify the guidelines on workplace dating. If they don't seem to have a clue, here are some general rules that will help keep you from getting into trouble:

1. No dating the boss. This is always a bad idea because the boss can be fired for dating a subordinate, and your job and reputation can be trashed as well. But let's face it: the boss probably has many more connections than you do, and stands a better chance of landing on his or her feet. You could be looking for a decent job for a long time to come. If you are the boss, keep in mind that you could face a sexual harassment charge from the subordinate if the love affair takes a bad turn.

2. Keep it private. No canoodling in the hallways, supply closet or elevators. Never send anything smacking of private thoughts via e-mail to the other person while at work. This can easily be used against you (this is how Stonecipher got caught), and lead to your firing on the basis that you're using company property for your personal use. If co-workers do find out about it, refuse to be drawn into any discussion.

3. Set some ground rules. Always make it clear to the other person that you want the dating kept private, and that you don't want to jeopardize your job in any way. If you believe the other person can't or won't honor that, then you may want to decline anything other than a working relationship.

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Workplace Love Gone Wrong

It’s estimated that at least 58 percent of you in the working world have dated someone you work with. I, myself, married someone I met on the job.

But I have to be honest here: I didn’t want to even date him (my husband) when he started making it clear he wanted to be more than friends.

I worried what co-workers would think about us, I worried what the boss would think, I worried what would happen when we broke up (I thought that was inevitable since I had never dated anyone longer than a few months.)

But more than 20 years later, I look back and realize that it was all my worries that helped keep our workplace romance where it should be – private. And it was his concern about my worries that kept the romance from being gossip fodder and hurting our careers. (OK, it probably would have harmed mine more than his – women still suffer inequality in the workplace in most regards.)

When I spoke with mediator Barbara Reeves Neal about love contracts she noted that these are pretty much the “flavor of the month” for companies trying to protect themselves against lawsuits when love goes wrong between employees. Getting workers to sign off on “behaving professionally” should they get involved seems a bit silly, considering we’re talking about adults, not lovesick adolescents.

The bigger problem regarding romance in the workplace may be what appears to be a growing trend: relationships that are blossoming among employees who are married to someone else.

Neal said she believes part of that is because employees are working longer hours than ever before, and become more emotionally attached to someone on the job as they work towards a common goal.

Since I know of at least a handful of marriages that have broken up recently because of an on-the-job romance with someone else, I tend to agree. Still, that’s not hard scientific proof, and is unfair to those who remain faithful to a partner while working closely with someone at work.

Neal, however, felt the problem was significant enough to offer these ideas to help keep some relationships strictly professional:
• No after hour meetings if they can be avoided. “Remind yourself of the family you have at home,” Neal says. “Go home to them.”
• No hotel room meetings. This can be slightly problematic when all the men – or all the women – want to meet in someone’s room and the one person of the opposite sex feels uncomfortable with it. Still, everyone should be understanding and hold all meetings in the hotel lobby or other meeting room. When traveling on business, stay away from dimly lit restaurants or bars.
• Remember that the “good feelings” you have working with that person are because you’re working towards a common goal. Don’t infuse the relationship with personal emotional attachment.
• Keep in mind you can seriously damage your career. Former Boeing CEO Harry C. Stonecipher was forced to resign after his involvement with a female executive in the company. Other Boeing officials found out about the affair between the married CEO and the woman when they got an anonymous tip. Your employer can dismiss one or both of you for violating a company’s code of conduct.