Body Language Speaks Volumes

It’s one of those awkward situations we’ve all found ourselves in: we’re standing around at a company function, and all of a sudden the top brass shows up and heads our way. Suddenly we don’t know what to do with our arms. Our hands are some strange appendage that hang uselessly, or flutter nervously. How did our necks get to be too short for our bodies? When did we become unable to smile without an eye twitching?

All this is, of course, a natural reaction under stress. We want to make a good impression, but our bodies seem determined to make total twits of us in front of some pretty important people. But if we just remember some simple rules about body language, these situations can be brought under control.

There are a number of ways we can make a good impressions without saying a word, whether it’s in a social situation, or a formal business meeting. The most common mistake people make is that they don’t adjust to the situation, to the person they are speaking to. For example, when making small talk, body language is very important. But when it’s a serious matter, then it’s not as critical because the message becomes more important.

Still, the most effective users of body language use gestures and speech patterns similar to the other person in the conversation — especially critical when the other person ranks higher in an organization.

Some of the key ingredients to using body language effectively include:
· Facing the other person squarely. Show your interest by looking directly at the other person. Tilt your head to one side, arch your eyebrows and nod every once in a while to show you’re listening. Keep your face relaxed, and smile when appropriate.
· Assuming an open posture. Researchers have found that when negotiations are going well, participants unbuttoned their coats, uncrossed their legs, sat forward in chairs, and moved closer to the other side of the table. Such body language was often accompanied by comments expressing common needs and advantages.
So, the way you stand and walk can convey your openness to what the other person is saying. Standing tall and walking with shoulders back shows your confidence, and usually those who walk rapidly and swing their arms project confidence.
· Leaning forward. When you want to show interest, lean forward slightly in your chair, and lightly clasp your hands in your lap or place your hands near your knees. If you lean back, place your hands in a “steeple” position, then you’re showing your indifference.
· Maintaining eye contact. The last thing you want to do is have your eyes shifting all over the room when you’re talking with a boss. When we’re nervous, our eyes typically meet the other person’s less than 40 percent of the time. As a result, we begin to make people feel uneasy, or make them begin to distrust us.
· Touching. Some people are afraid to touch another person because of sexual harassment claims, but with a friend or close working buddy, touching on the shoulder can deepen a contact. It's a good idea to take the lead from the other person, especially if it’s a leader. If they touch you on the arm, it's probably OK to do the same to them.
Still, since a handshake is often the most acceptable form of contact in the business world, make sure yours is not limp, or clammy. Keep your handshake firm and brief, hold it about three to five seconds, then release. And no trying to crush the other person’s fingers in some kind of power play.
· Remembering to relax. This may be difficult to do when the CEO is headed your way and you suddenly can’t remember your own name, but take a couple of deep breaths, and concentrate on standing straight, with shoulders back. Spread your feet a bit and don’t lock your knees — keeling over at the boss’s feet like a downed tree won’t be good for your career. Keep your arms and hands still, and keep an open and welcoming look on your face.


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Being Right Doesn't Mean You Win

In the working world, we try not to show our weaknesses, concentrating instead on displaying our strengths. We respond to others with confident tones, argue our point of view firmly and lead with authority.

Too bad we’re not always right.

This may be a hard concept to grasp for some people, especially those who have risen in the ranks because they are always right. But it is true that those who become the most rigid in their attitudes -- who always have to have the right answer and must always prove others wrong -- are not only annoying, but well, wrong.

While it is ingrained in us from the time we are young that we must strive for the “right” answer, must sit “right” and look “right” -- and we will somehow be shamed for being wrong, we start to confuse being right with winning. And it's not the same thing at all.

Often, managers are the most guilty of the “always right” atittude, and can be very defensive if they are challenged. But by denying there is anything left to learn, we undermine ourselves and our companies. Failing to acknowledge that other people may have the right answer can lose the respect of others and cause real morale problems.

The most successful teams and the most successful individuals challenge each other to come up with the best idea and the best process. The key is being able to say to someone: "You were right. That is a better idea. Thank you.’”

Still,letting go of being right all the time takes courage. You may have to admit that you are insecure about being "wrong", but are willing to make yourself vulnerable so that you can learn and grow.

If you realize that your “right” attitude has gone too far, the first thing you need to do is admit you have a problem -- that's often half the battle. Then:
* Define what winning looks like to you. Think about what you really want, considering how you feel about an issue and what personal experiences come into play.
* Look at how often your need to be right really interferes with what you want. If you shut people down by interrupting them with your “right” solution, or they turn away because you have proven them “wrong,” write it down. Note what happened and what the result was (damaged relationship, less creative interactions, etc.) The key will be to later figure out what would have been a better response.
* Define your fear or anxiety. If you can’t be right, what will be your strategy to deal with that? Tell yourself over and over that it’s okay to win, but you don’t have to be right.
* Ask more questions. Become curious. Those who are always right don’t try to find out what other people may know. Only after someone has given you an answer do you respond with your perspective. That starts a dialogue, and that begins the learning process.
* Step into the unknown. Focus on the shades of gray. Notice how often your thinking is automatically right versus wrong. Argue the other side of the issue first, and look to see the larger perspective.




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